Day 3 of the long weekend

Today is memorial day in the United States I dont think our friends north of the 49th celebrate it. That brings me to my next subject and what todays picture is of.

I came across this picture and I thought it is pretty cool looking. It is a bit of the US Canadian border. Im not sure why its cleared out but it looks cool. I think its cool we share the longest unmilitarized boarder in the world (although there are missiles on either side, thanks cold war). I think its a testament to our long friendship. Im reading a book about the relations of the US presidents and Canadian prime ministers that served at the same time. Some got pretty pissed at each other others rarely spoke and some were like best buds. Spoiler alert: If in years to come you see a president who loves hockey and flying and has an appointed first lady its prolly me. lol

People always do that to me. People will say "Tyler when you become president can you do..." Its never if its when. It makes me laugh. Do I see my self as president? No really. Congress yea Senate yea. Stranger people have been elected governor also. I still love my flying and I will always be a pilot first in my mind however people like me have been pushed into politics before. But yea thats one of the many jokes people will make. That and they call me Dr. Tyler or Professor Tyler because I apparently speak english too well or seem to know too much. They call me google too.

I dont act like a know it all. People just ask me questions about random things and I have answers. I was once told something that seemed to apply to me well. "Try to learn something about everything and everything about something" Im not sure who said it to begin with but its kind of the way I think. My everything would be aviation science and then I want to know just a little something about everything else y'know. Im the type who loves learning. To some people that sounds weird but not to me. Like I told someone the other day, the way I see it is right now im a scholar and nothing else. That is what I do for now so I might as well be good at it.

Im nerdy but you wouldn't be able to tell if you knew me though personality only. I keep that a secret too among other things.

I like telling the blogoverse my random secrets. Its nice to be free of them for a change.

Well im off to go do some more 3 day weekend like things. Looks like pick up hockey is in order a few hours from now.

Talk later

Tyler

All work and no play PISSES TYLER OFF!

So I have been pretty busy writing a term paper for whap or playing hockey or doing what ever I guess. Im takeing the SAT subject test for world history on the 5th. So much school stuff! UGH. I would say im looking forward to summer and I am but I will be doing summer hw for Apush (AP US History) and French 3 Honors. Ugh? yea. Im also taking some extra random classes on things that interest me. One is a class on conduction an orchestra and music theory. Me and my music lol. Im doing it with a friend whos big on marching band he wants to be drum major in his sr. year so hes hoping it will help. What else is up? Idk what else is up. Im just kinda finishing out the school year. Ive got a 3 day weekend for memorial day! I always make a point to remember those who have served my country and lost their lives for my rights and the rights of others as well as the spread of democracy through the world. Hurrah for them!

alright I gotta go now (also dont have much more to say)

later

Tyler

sunday best

I normally dont blog on a Sunday...not because of catholic guilt but because I like to take sundays off and vedge. I havent been blogging as frequently though and its prolly best that I do cuz I dont write in my journal as much. That thing is full of little one liners now and random thoughts as well as a to do list.

Im pretty relaxed right now as I normally am on a sunday. I dont have any work to do or anything to do but its cool. Thats kinda how I like a sunday to be. Its nearly noon and all I have done today is read some and make tea. I just posed an old blog post I though I had put up on the 19th but didnt so thats why thats there.

My crush is prolly straight. I think I said that I troll his formspring like crazy and though that I have kinda been able to test the waters in true creeper fashion. I dont call it stalking if its only over formspring. Any reporter or detective would call it a stage in an investigation. So yea thats that I guess. Hes prolly just nice and what ever I perceived as him liking me was prolly just his niceness and that weirdness he has that allows him to get away with anything. The way I see it is that if he cant be my boyfriend I will still make him my friend! DETERMINATION!

So you all know im sub par as far as emotional integrity goes, but there is not a heck of a lot that can be done about that. Im doing what I can, believe me there, Its just not an easy thing to tackle and take down in one day. Its been a long struggle and will continue to be but there is always an end to this kind of thing. I would have not told the blogosphere about it but I needed to tell someone.

Im not crazy and gunna run off and kill my self. I try to focus on moments that are good and enjoy the feeling while I have it. I try to be in situations where I can be as happy as I can be so im not suffering. Its impossible to escape sometimes though. Its hard to explain but it just comes sometimes and I will be really sad all of the sudden. I try not to let it show or have it ruin my life but it gets to me regardless. Like I said Im doing what I can and blogging helps.

So California state testing is over, APs are over, whats next? Well...my whap teacher told us we "will have two projects assigned to us both will be done in groups. They will be done over the next four weeks and will be very difficult." He gets that way when hes having a trying day. They cant be that hard so im not worried, it was just funny how he worded it all.

To be honest I dont have a heck of a lot more to say.

Blog at you later

-Tyler

Good game

WON hockey again. No goals from me but a few assists. Id like to think I did okay. Im doing better now than I was the other day. Idk if its the high from tonight's game or what ever but im doing better.

So I love having all of my random secret activities that I do and tell nobody else but the blogosphere about. Its nice to finally tell someone y'know? Its like sweet just to "let my hair down"...idk where I got that one from.

Anyway I keep most of these secret not because I am ashamed of them but because I just dont really want people to know because if people dont know crap they wont give a crap.

Aye, first biggun...I play classical piano. It was by choice. like some kids are forced into it by their parents but not me. I just kinda wanted to lern how to play a few years ago and here we are. Im telling you this cuz I mentioned it on formspring and mentioned that I like Debussy and all that. It freaks my mom out because I change personalities when I am behind the keys. I just dont like messing around to tell you the truth. If you want to convey the song properly you need to feel it and you cant be laughing and playing moonlight sonata.

Another big reason why I dont tell people this stuff is because I would hate for people to find out im gay and have them think im just another stereotype. Im no theater nut case and that seems to be a primary source of gay stereotypes however classical piano just doesnt seem to cut it either. People know me as a trumpet person and thats where it ends. What they dont know cant hurt them.

blog later.

Tyler

Blame it one love

This gets sad you might not want to read it if you dont want to hear sad things

My lack of bloggyness? Is it because of testing/school? In part, but I think im also a bit preoccupied with spring fever. Im the type who likes to lay in bed and think about everything that is on his mind then write all of that down in elaborate detail in my private book of awesomeness. Now that I have a blog as a type of coping mechanism I can now tell people my thoughts in elaborate detail and I think that feels better. Idk what it is that feels better...the amount of detail isnt the same but some how it works.

A bit about me. When im pissed off or what ever I will start doing things with the most extreme precision its not even funny. It all happens involuntarily too. My hand writing gets better, as blog readers you will prolly notice me using better punctuation/spelling. Its not like good its perfect. I once made a hot dog when angry and that thing was like right out of a magazine. I often go on walks to calm my self and I will get this marching pace going and no two strides are of a different length...it creeps me out. However I dont interact well with people when im pissed off. I try to keep conversation short because talking and writing are my only real source of expression, some people draw, some people make music, I give speeches. They are prolly not fun to listen to but if im pissed and you ask me why you are going to learn why. I have a real harshness about me and I often appear bitter or very critical of everything. Thats just kinda how I am or may come across. My friends dont see it as much just because they know the better more tolerable side of me. I can morph to most situations and keep a cool head and keep my thoughts in order I just start acting different and presenting my self differently depending on my feelings. Im pretty nervous all the time and try not to show it.

I like listening to all kinds of music. right now im listening to Clair de Lune by Debussy. A moment ago I was listening to Beethoven and before that I was listening to the Cars. I think R&B before that. Im all over the place emotionally this week. Like if I normally feel like a person I feel like a puddle right now. Someone described me as not a closed book but one that is open but its pages are laying face down.

I dont care for my sensitive side. I dont like my emotions or many of the ways they manifest them selfs. Im still fighting internal struggles from years ago and nobody knows about them.

I used to cry at night a lot when I was sure nobody could hear. Now I write and listen to music and let that take me where ever it does.

Im not the tough guy people at school think I am.

I take a baseball bat to the tree in my back yard when life gets to be too much and then I feel bad for the tree and then feel sad.

I think I have been suffering from depression for the past 5 years and somehow managed to not show it. This only raises other questions.

I cant suffer any more losses. Ive been hurt too much already. If they were to analyze me psychologically I dont know what they would find and I dont really want to know.

Im a complex person but who isnt. Im not hurting my self or anyone else so I think we are fine for the most of it.

I think im hurt.

Sorry for being a downer with this one.

Hockey Wednesday.

-Tyler

48+ hours later

So its officially past 48 hours since I took my AP exam and that means I can officially talk about it without living in fear of having my scores pulled and deleted.

This is what I was told by the proctor. She said we may not discuss the test to anyone by any means for 48 hours after we have finished and we may never discuss the multiple choice questions ever or our scores will be removed. Its a little harsh if you ask anyone but here I am following the rules.

So I think I did pretty good on the whole thing. The essays were harder than I had planed for but I know I included all the parts necessary and the best part is that the test is graded on a curve so if I thought the essays were hard a bunch of other people did too and may not have done as well to include all of the crazy bits we had to put in for full points.

Ive been sorta busy since then but I did the greatest thing Thursday night after the exam. I got a good 9 hours of sleep in! I had nothing to study for and nothing to cram over or whap work to be done because its all over! Its great cuz now all I need to do is this project thing in that class and not much more for the rest of the year.

Ive just been relaxing for most of today and yesterday. Watching random documentaries on what ever, sleeping, not doing whap homework. Life is okay right now.

Les Canadiens de Montréal ont joué du bon hockey récents hein? J'aime les habs! Où est mon Willy Waller? Cette chose est génial! Je peux maintenant éplucher les pommes de terre pas quatre fois plus vite, mais deux fois plus rapide! UNBELIEVABLE!

I just made a french canadian funny.

Anyway. I have nothing to do cuz I didnt make plans to do anything today. Thats been for better or worse cuz I have nothing to do and thats great cuz I can relax but, I have nothing to do and that sucks cuz im bored now. Oh the situations I put my self in. My brother just got home and it sounds like he brought someone over. I should prolly go out and rollerblade or something.

My pertness are out of town this weekend to go visit my grand pertness. They left Thursday so I didnt go with them.

I am reading a new book. Its pretty interesting its called The Broken Spears. Its the Aztec account of the Spanish conquest of their empire. Its the side less told so I decided to give it a look. Ive got thing for non fiction books right now I cant get enough of them.

I never got to watch the third season of the BBCs Robin Hood so I went out and bought it. I loved the first two seasons and am loving the third.

Tomorrow Im going to go see the new Robin Hood movie. If you couldn't tell I like Robin Hood for some reason. I was gunna ask that crush of mine if he wanted to go see it but I chickened out. Im seeing it with another friend of mine. I wouldn't be able to enjoy the movie if I saw it with my crush anyway because I would be more focused on him than anything else.

I think I have said all I have to say for now.

Later as always

à demain pour mes amis français

-Tyler

the AP baby

this is it! 9 months of studying all for this big test! Pumped? you bet I am!

Four hours from now it will all be over and I will get to breath a major sigh of relief.

by now I should be testing away on the multiple choice. in a few I will tackle the essays. Once those are done its all over!

I will tell you how it all went later.

Wish me luck

-Tyler

Standardized Testing

Right now I should be taking the math portion of my California State Standardized Test.

A head ache is very possible but not likely on the first half.

(Hockey game tonight)

Life Goes On

So Ive decided to blog again today on this fine semi boring mothers day morning. Basicly all last week all this week and all next week I will be testing at school and really have nothing to do during. I just kinda study and take tests. I have my big Ap this Thursday so pretty...pumped? I think thats right. I seriously am kinda excited to take this exam and get it over with.

If you visited my blog while I was out im sure you saw a rather exciting clock displaying the current time in California and heard music playing. Those are both gone now, but I hope you enjoyed them while they were here.

HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY!!

Last week I had a game we won. I have another this week, we plan to win, it should be fun. Its great to have games on nights where you dont have much homework or none at all. When I get home from a game I usually dont give a crap about anything and will find it hard to sit down and concentrate on just doing homework.

I blame the cold war for homework. I read somewhere that before WWII homework was discouraged in the US then we saw that the soviet union encouraged it, and because we were afraid they were going to become better because of it we started doing it. I dont care too much about homework its just that it is there and this little hurdle I need to get over every day before I can enjoy my self.

I herded goats last weekend too. Ryan told me to talk more about this so I will. So by where I live there are big open grassy hills and that grass dries out. When it gets hot all that dry grass has been known to catch on fire and cause problems so property owners like to have it cut down. There are a few ways you can do this but the one a lot of people are liking is the goat method. Some guys (I was one of them last weekend) come with goats and let them lose on your property, and they eat eat eat eat for a week on all the grass that is there. When they finish the guys come back on horses and round them up and move them somewhere else. It was pretty fun. I like the randomness of where I live.

So the week before last I had to do a project in french with a partner and my partner was that crush of mine. He came over and we played tennis once. I think im making progress.

I dont know what more to talk about. Just getting ready for this week. Im pretty ready.

Hockey game Tuesday. Excited for that too.

I will talk more later however less frequently over this next week just cuz of exams.

-Tyler

Standardized Testing

Right about now I should be taking the english section of the California State Standardized Test.

It is the start of several weeks of tests all leading up to my AP exams! What fun.

( I wrote all these a on 4/19/10 just shows how excited I am about testing)

blog at you later

-Tyler