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Yeah I said it. I hate the word to no end. Gay...I hate seeing it written, I hate seeing it on my title, I hate labeling my self as it, and I hate saying it. I thought that my whole hate of the word would be cured by this blog but I think it has gotten worse. I know its my own personal problem but thats what this blog is for discussing. I dont hate gay people...I may be a self loathing gay at times but I dont hate the people attached to it I just hate the word. This afternoon I went though all the other names to think of another word I could call my self, and other gay people just so I could deviate from the word gay. In doing this I discovered that there are no good names. Lets list:
Gay
Homosexual (eh)
homo
faggot
fag
queer
queen
fruit
There are more but Id rather not. I dont like any of them. There are people who are gay and call them selfs these but im not one of those people. It might be the negative connotation the names have in my mind or whatever but I just dont like them.
I cant even picture my self saying "yes I am gay" to anyone. Like when my crush asked (JOKINGLY) if I was gay I couldn't even answer that with a direct yes. I almost try to dissociate with the word and that might be kinda bad.
I cant imagine telling my Mom and Dad "i'm gay" I may need to be more like "I like guys"
From the Mind of a 16 Year Old Hockey Player...Who Likes Guys(?)
People will probably hate me for this but people will always hate me for something.
Understand I dont hate anyone I hate labels...
REALIZATION!
I dont necessarily hate identifying with other gay people I hate being labeled as gay and taking on the whole negative connotation of that label.
Hurray for learning while blogging!
do I need to give the "thats so gay" and why not to say it tirade?
I dont think so. Im sure you all could go on your own rant just as easy as I could.
{Is there anything more to say on this subject?}
I dont think so. I feel like I have a lot to say about a lot of things still but ive been having a hard time expressing my self as of late. Its kinda weird and out of character. The idiots who like calling me a fake sure are capitalizing on it.
I like baseball...im gunna go see if there is some on tv.
More collected thoughts later (I swear!)
Tyler
tyler...
ReplyDeletegay is not my favorite word either... go figure... i usually just answer to david... i prolly use the word fag way too much, but i actly prefer it... weird..
just be tyler, k, a 16 yr old hockey player, who is a lot of great things, oh and btw, just happens to be attracted to guys....
- cheers... david
What you are feeling about the word "gay" is natural and not uncommon. Popular culture has a list of stereotypes that they try to associate with the word. Those stereotypes don't fit you (and actually don't fit many of us) and hearing word applied to you grates because it isn't you.
ReplyDeleteYou're also not the first person to battle the insidious stereotypes. There are people that change their names to hide their ethnic heritage because they want to distance themselves from stereotypes. Society likes to categorize and fit people into boxes and often we just simply don't fit there.
One thing to keep in mind is that the word doesn't define you but you define the word. However, you behave is how your typical gay guy (or guy who likes guys - gwlg) behaves.
There was an openly gay boxer who owned one of his challengers in the ring. The challenger's manager berated his guy for losing to a "faggot." When the asked the gay boxer what he thought of the comments he replied: "He did lose to a faggot - a really really tough faggot."
His response essentially took the manager's implied comment that faggots were weak and turned it on its head - saying that faggot weren't really weak and there were tough faggots too.
I chose to be out and open about being gay for much the same reason. I don't fit a lot of the stereotypes so being open about being gay I hope breaks down some of those stereotypes. I want other gay people to see that you can be successful and out in a lot of different professions.
But for now, none of that matters for you. The only label you need to worry about is that of "Tyler." Be who you are and be what makes you happy (including being a gwlg) and don't let anyone try to tell you what you are and how you have to live. You're Tyler and that's good enough.
How about just person? Or friend? Or Tyler? I think those labels fit you better than anything else. Except maybe "little brother". :)
ReplyDelete@Madeleine
ReplyDeleteIve gotta be honest with you. When I read your comment I made a noise I think only I can make when I get the warm-fuzzies. Id compare it to the sound a rather happy llama might make. Thanks Maddy...big sis :D
awwwwwww, I love llamas!! ;)
ReplyDelete