Plenty of news to share today. Much of which I can only share with this blog.
New picture obviously. Idk something about me and polar bears lol. On my formspring now on my blog. I wanted to drift a bit away from the whole black and white blurred hockey picture. I feel it was too reminiscent of bad times and its time for a change. I might swap this new one out later also so you never know. What do you think?
crush news.
Ive been keeping this pretty quiet and now that its not so murky I guess I ought to say something. So he and I were talking the other night, and I asked him if he could keep a secret and he told me yeah he cold and not to worry. He got my usual hell fire type of threat in which I tell him if he so much as tell anyone even a rendition of what im about to tell him I will kill him. Yeah its a bit harsh but it gets the job done. Most people would be like "OMG I. could. die." Where as with me its more like "you're gunna die" people dont mess with that. Anyway I asked him if I could call him on the phone and he said sure. At this point what ive done to my self is I have backed my self into a corner. In my mind I am set up to tell him the whole truth and im ready to come out to him knowing that if stuff spills somehow I will be able to redeam my self with machoism (Yeah I hate the world to but you do what you gotta). I have also told him im about to tell him a HUGE secret and thats something you dont just back down on and I cant come up with a bull shit lie to get my self out of it (so I thought).
By now im sweating like crazy and I pick up the phone and call him.
He picks up and we talk for a sec about something I cant remember because my attention was more on slowing my heart down and chilling out a bit to the sound of his voice. I started out with a "so ive been sitting here for a while getting all my thoughts in order and..." as if he knew what I was about to say he broke in with "Tyler...are you gay? is that what this is all about because im pretty good with closet out comeings" I dont think he was serious at this point it didnt sound like it but I knew I had to stay serious. I calmly and seriously said "well I thought it through and decided of all people who needed to be first it had to be you" His reaction wasn't bad but as you will see we quickly changed course (thanks a lot subconscious). "wait what?! You're kidding...your friggen kidding right?" Who knows where he was going but my brain wanted to get away and It said "Yeah I am" (IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT!!) his reaction was like "whoa man" I stopped my self from going back and trying to be serious again. I dont think he would have thought I was serious after that. I somehow came up with another "big secret" that involved nothing of consequence. We did talk for quite a bit however, and made plans for the next day. He seems to be getting cooler with me which is awesome. I still dont know if he's gay or not but I dont think so but im not 100% sure one way or the other. DAMN IT I still want to come out to him seriously and let him know I am dead serious and that I like him!
Idk where to go with that but thats whats up there and I feel badly about it all except for that we are getting cooler with each other thats good.
Other thing! New layout!
As you can see ive gotten rid of that old thing that often brought back haunting memories I will not go into but I think we all know what I mean. I like this one. Its got a view from the top, it looks optimistic and easy on the eyes, best of all its got a plane (wing) in! It feels more true to me and I like it.
Other!
As you may or may not know I play the trumpet for my school band and I recently talked our drum major into playing the song that is now in the background of my blog. That horn bit you hear at the start will be played by yours truly! The drum major doesnt know that im not that good so ive gotta get that part down so I dont embarrass my self. Its a short bugle call basically...in fact I think norway uses it for something. Im good with bugle calls (bugle merit badge over here) That oughta be a fun'n to learn and fast too. oye. I got my self into it so Is should be fine. The march is called The Valdres march. Because im a nerd I like marches. I work out to John Phillip Sousa more often than I problly should but it works. I fell in love with Valdres the moment I heard that horn then those bars are sampled though out the song. If its executed just right it can be one of the most stunningly awesome pieces but if its done wrong it can sound like crap. I think our band can do it. We have strong sections so I think we should sound awesome.
Todays picture is of Valdres, the area in Norway for which the march is named. Norway is one of the many places id love to visit. Excuse the topless woman bike rider it was one of the better pictures of the Valdres visit Norway had and I decided to share.
Anything else?
yes
Ive got a lot of trumpet practicing to do!
That bugle call you may have heard if you popped on my blog a bit ago was a call for retreat and regroup. It reflected my situation with the crush at the time. Recalling the troops to regroup and decide how we will handle the situation.
Alright
Later
Tyler
I dunno, the whole "I'm gay/Just kidding" and then later on coming out thing tends to end badly. I know you panicked and, well, can't change the past at this point. But it just means you'll have to handle it extra-carefully when you do really come out later.
ReplyDeleteAlso, depending on the level of "big secret" you finally came up with, he may realize you're gay anyway, so you never know.
Good luck with it either way, though.
I know how challenging it can be coming out, especially when someone pre-empts your plan by asking you. A few weeks before I came out at the squad, a guy asked me flat out. Before I could think about it, I said "no." It wasn't that I wanted to deny it but it caught me so off-guard that I didn't know how to react.
ReplyDeleteHis comments do give you something to test the waters with though since he mentioned he does do well with closet coming outs. You can always probe a little to see what he meant by it. If he really did have other people come out to him, you'll know he'll be cool with it.