Soccer is the gateway to life structure says I

Soccer is huge here (where I live) and I dont really know why, It just is. I have given it a shot in recent months because a handful of my friends are into it and they like to force me out of my shell because they are the awesome type of friends who do that sort of thing. One of them is a bit older. I met him as a freshman a few years back when he was a senior. He and I hit it off well enough and we've been talking since then. Hes pretty into the whole soccer thing so Ive managed to learn quite a bit just from talking to him. I remember a few years ago playing soccer in europe and feeling like and idiot making some wild discovery. It was interesting to watch for a bit then they tossed me into the mix and I gave it a shot. In ways its like hockey, in others like basketball (the one sport Ive never gained a huge interest in). I can understand why they call it "the beautiful game". Its that type of rapid fire game the world seems to love. There is truly something beautiful in the way the sport is played...any sport for that matter. The mechanics of the human body being used in an extraordinary way. People say American Football is boring because its slow. Its slow but purposefully slow. Its a small organized war and is quite fun to watch once you figure it out. Its planned where as soccer is split second think on your feet type of stuff. Soccer is a battle where Football is a war.

So this soccer playing friend of mine wants to take me to this soccer center where there are a few nicely taken care of fields, pick up games and all that. Hes trying to throw me in head first "expose me to new things " as he puts it. I like people like that. They are the people I want to hang out with. Though hes only a bit older than me I still look up to him as a type of roll model to some extent. Ive never been the type who begins to imitate people I admire but I enjoy spending time with them because by doing so Ive found I become slightly more like them. I pick up things that they do inadvertently. I still am quite the independent person who thinks for him self as much as he can, but ive found that the only way I can be happy with my self is to improve upon my self by allowing in some influence from positive outside sources. I often wonder if my forced seclusion in my earlier years was a negative thing. Looking back at it, it couldn't have been good. I never really allowed my self to have heros or role models when I was younger. I simply had a vision of what I wanted to do never what I wanted to become or whom I wanted to be like. My family provided little to no inspiration as I never really have made much of a positive connection with any of them as much as I have some other people. I often see in my family what I do not wish to be. Ive found that though I hold quite a bit of merit on my own If I ever wish to survive in this odd male culture ive been born into I best keep to the standard male demeanor whilst in public. Thats my polite way of saying I mustn't do anything to fruit cakey. Ive been good about doing that for a while. In a way I am only confirming to my self that male bonding is okay in our mostly heterosexual society and that I will only be made more affable should I chose to give it a shot. In nature the younger animal learns from the older males that surround him. Im sure that at this point in my life had I been a cave person I would be doing just that in preparation for leaving the cave to join the hunters. It makes sense as I will soon be stepping out of my home and into the college life.

Is that empty feeling I felt not too long ago my natural side looking for affirmation to my male identity? Most likely.

odd how all that worked. A bit of guy time cures all for me it seems these days.

Thanks to you soccer friend for helping me and not even knowing it.

This song is pretty cool without lyrics. It works for me as a bit of a psych-up song

Its nice to appreciate music for music and ignore vocals for a bit. Thats why I like

foreign music I cant understand or classical/ non vocal music.

Ive been thinking of putting together a playlist to share with the bloggity blog. I will see when I can throw one together.

It might be work out music...It might be homework music...or essay music (lots of marches!)

or just general listening music.

I like music!!

alright well im off to go read for US History.

hopefully I wont have a dream about what ever subject im reading on again.

Later

Tyler