So yesterday was the day I took in all my paperwork and payed for everything that needed paying for, picked up my books, and got a tentative class schedule. whew. Jr Year is right around the corner (11th grade). Pretty cool stuff. SO I could not escape the day without seeing my crush. It looks like our many conversations have made us friendlier. He followed me around kinda just broski palling around. The normal things that he does that can make me smile. We parted ways when he went to get his schedule because they were in different rooms (by last name) but we ran in to each other again when I was in line for a schedule change I was hoping he would join me but he just had to pop in an drop something off. Go figure. I didnt see his schedule so I dont know how that is. Ill ask him for it later. I know we will have french next year for sure. I can only hope for more. I sat on a bench for a bit to try to ease some of my anxiety. I saw him walking over to his locker and on the way some girl ran over and started talking to him and I was like...to my self, get the hell away hes mine, and I tackled her with my mind. He later walked over to me and asked where my locker is and I said and why. He just kinda said "oh im thinking of trading mine out." All the while im thinking..."and why would you need to know where mine is?" Pretty cool stuff if you ask me.
Sometimes I wish I could get really drunk and text him everything I want him to know and have no second thoughts about it and just see how it plays out. One day ive gotta just take a chance. I came so close that one time.
I keep having dreams about him. Amazing dreams I often wake up crying after. When, how, what, where do I tell him though? Even then there is no 100% here.
I know ive thought when I graduate I will tell him. That gets us somewhere in knowing that the one thing keeping me down is nervousness and knowing regardless of the out come I would need to see him the next day.
I like him a lot and you all know and can tell. Ive just gotta do something about all that love and like so I can stop telling you how much I like him and show and tell him how much I like him. One of these days. Ive got 170 days till Valentines day. Idk it might be stupid to wait that long. Or it might be stupid to tell him anything at all. Then again it might be awesome. I feel like Im getting torn apart between what is logical and attainable and some other force I cant identify. Thus I am confused.
Im just a simple t-shirt wearing, sport loving, relatively normal American boy. I may be more studious and tense than most but when its all whittled down Im alike. I can liken the crush and I to A Separate Peace, thats why I liked the book so much. Im the studious hard worker, hes the fun loving easy goer that things come easy to. He and I are alike but at the same time just as polar in personality as Gene and Finny though we get along well somehow. Im just better around him more content than with anybody else. Hes easy to talk to what ever it is we are talking about. Hes one of the few people I can talk to who actually makes me feel "cool" while talking to them.
Our talks are rare but they are fantastic.
His friends are not the best of mine I will admit that.
As long as I can be friends with him and build on that I think we will be okay. I think thats the way I would want it. To be friends first and to really have a buddy rather than some dude you met, like, and made out with. To me I would feel used and like Im using them. I imagine that would help keep a steady(er) relationship. To know about someone is better. Playing it safe I guess.
I know what I want and I think thats awesome. I know what I want in a guy thats for sure. Im not too picky I just know what I want or what works for me. I feel almost like I dont need to "mess around" or at least dont need much of that to know whats right for me. Im not saying I have my mind made up. Im more saying I know what I want, and as if I wished it into life it goes to my school. Thats not to say if this doesnt work out I might not find it elsewhere, but believe me if it doesnt turn out ideally...you are going to hear from me and its not going to be a fun post.
Well this turned into a more all about my crush post. I was hoping I could fit something else into here but its become specialized so I will save all that for another post.
Ive got plenty of stuff in my head so you wont need to wait long.
Whats up with todays picture? Nothing really. Add your own symbolism. My blog has been lacking hockey of late so there he be.