Wednesday, November 24, 2010

the week from hell ends!


Its been so long its like I died but I can assure you I am still alive but not well. Im retuning to normalcy however rather quickly as it is now (American) THANKSGIVING BREAK! The week we all get to pay respect to our settling ancestors by eating copious quantities of food, watching football, and making this sacred day the day with the single most domestic violence incidences of any other day throughout the year! Its true!!!
The break starts today and ends Sunday...OHHH the plans I have for this week are awesome, and have been made even more awesome by the fact I have no homework at all over these next five days. This last week started Monday the 15th and just ended today (no weekend) its been pure school work, study, hockey, work, school, study, hockey, work, work, school work. Somehow I didnt die of a brain aneurism. I came home and threw my backpack into the corner not to be touched until necessary. I threw a shirt over it for good measure.
Pressing issue #1
Do not...DO NOT under any circumstances seek or accept (lol LBJ reference) any guidance from any religious organization who claims to be able to "fix" you and make you not gay anymore (bad grammar, but thats about how good they are)
Support groups are good when they support you not when they put you down and make you feel awful. Do not go even if it is free. Do not go if you feel like you may be accepted because you wont. You will only feel like an outsider who does not belong and is doing everything wrong for him self. You will be assured that you aren't loved by your creator and even if you thought at the start you would not give in to negativity you still leave feeling ashamed. However if you have a good head on your shoulders you will take some of what they said, the good bits that weren't hurtful, and more kind and encouraging and you will look back on your life and see that you have made progress from what you once were and are acceptable just the way you are, but if you so want you can do things to make your self feel even better about your self. You should also keep in mind that a fellow with a GED who works for a church ministry that was founded on the internet and holds meetings in free space offered by your neighborhood church ought not to be the one to make you feel bad about who you rip on him in your blog.
Ive got a lot on my mind. A lot of real self discovery and personal cross examination has been going on so I will be writing more about all that type of thing. Its all pretty good growing up type stuff. learning how to deal with my self. Release my past...all that natural stuff that ought to be happening as I prepare to leave the roost.
So thanksgiving tomorrow...We will see how that goes.
I had an awesome day today. I hope these continue.
Im going to read rest and relax now.



Monday, November 8, 2010

saying goodbye to my best friend

He was the best dog a boy could ever ask for. A ball of unconditional love that would wait all day long till I got home from school to come rushing over to me and lick my face off. For ten years he brought nothing but smiles and joy to our home. I grew up with him. He took me through my hard times in elementary school, and was my best and only friend then. He stood by me through middle school, and over my summer in europe stayed mostly in my room until I came home. Cheered me up after every loss, provided me with more than anyone will ever know. For ten years he has been my best buddy. Never slowing down until this last week. His belly became bloated. Today my mom and dad picked me up from school and we drove him to the vet. Though he had been slow and slept through most of these last days he was as frisky as ever on that car ride. It was as if he knew he wasn't gonna sick around much longer and wanted us to remember him for the happy dog he always was. The vet told us the worst as you could imagine. Not wanting him to suffer we knew what was best to do for him at this time. I gave him a big hug and cried as he licked my face. His eyes said "I love you" and we said goodbye. Im crying right now writing this out as you could imagine. Life wont go on easy without him. Tonight will be my first night at home sleeping without him, tomorrow will be the first morning I dont feed him and get a good morning lick from him. it will also be the first day I come home to silence instead of his happy clicking claws on the floor and jingling tags coming to meet me.
After ten years of living with, and loving this little guy this is the hardest goodbye ive had to make.
Where ever he may be I hope he knows just how much I love him and how much I miss him.