Thursday, September 23, 2010

Hard work made Benjamin Franklin a creepy old man...oh god NO!!

These last weeks have been a challenge. I have far to many things I need to juggle. School is a huge thing that takes up time. On top of school and clubs etc I have scouts. I am SPL (Sr. Patrol leader) not for much longer (thank god) I also have an eagle project to be done! To the whole world it looks just like a simple public service project but let me tell you its anything but. I need to get it approved by a good number of people. Once the project its self is good to go I will need to gather people to help out and thats the easy part. Then we go do said project and once its done I will need to compile a big binder of pictures, signatures, data, etc. Present that to some people and go though some crazy multi level process. Once all of that is said and done I will receive a patch and little ribbon with metal eagle hanging on it, watch my mum and dad cry, see a slide show of my scouting life from 5th grade (when I was embarrassingly round) to now and then go home rather proud, but not before cake has been served! My scoutmasters wife makes awesome carrot cake for every eagle court of honor and it is the most awesome stuff! Its worth its weight in gold I swear. She always asks the eagles to be what they want Im saying that is my top want...that and Dr pepper.
Anyway. The situation continues. Just a bunch of stuff going on. More abnormal depression. I keep most of my emotions to my self in public so sorry if I spill a bit to much. Im the type of person who everyone thinks is the happiest most worry free person on the planet. Seriously I find my self smiling when I would rather be frowning and being an ass hole to people. Just out of decency I keep a happy ora about me. That makes people want to be around me and talk to me but it always turns into them talking to me about all that is troubling them. I feel like atlas holding the burden of the world on his shoulders. Hopefully this all lightens up by next year because I could not throw college apps on top of all of this crap. The eagle thing will be done by like... January so I think I should be fine seeing that that is the bulk of the worry as of now.
My life has become a bit dull as of late and I dont know whats up. Im not going out like I used to and what not and its making me a bit nuts. It seems like everybody's crazy busy and has no time for anything or they all have time when I can make none but when I can they all cant make any. I need some fun around here. Ive been trying to get some friends of mine to come to the football games on fridays but none of them have time. Tonight after the game im going to a pizza place with some friends so that will hopefully fill the void. This weekends got a few fun(ish) things going on. It will all turn to the better soon (I hope).

HOCKEY!!! YES!!! OCTOBER is here (almost) and that means hockey is getting close! Ive been following all this preseason build up stuff and its making me excited! *jitters*
Ive got a person I can talk hockey with in almost every class period too AWESOME! Im feeling a good season for all.

Its friday! I like the sound of that. I plan to not have my alarm go off tomorrow morning and sleep in as long as my body wants to! Thats a real treat!

For now im off to enjoy the remainder of the afternoon. I might just lurk the football game alone. I will find someone to sit with eventually.

As always there will be plenty more to be said in the future.



P.S. The title was a thought that came to mind while reading his autobiography. As I read I discovered he and I share some similar ideals and work ethic. All I could think of all that while was how he turned out at the end of the day. Alright for the most part but there were a few illegitimate children and other creepy things. Lucky for him history has whittled him down to the sort of American demigod he is today. Being on the $100 bill never hurt anyone.

Friday, September 17, 2010

where did you go? oh yeah thats right

Hey all. Ive been in school for 8 days now! wow how the time goes freaking slowly. ugh. Still pretty shell shocked by all the crap going on.
Im pretty bothered by school life to be honest with you. School is not the problem it is the people. Im fine in school, this week we had a quick test to see what we knew about the united sates. Here I am mr shy guy and the teacher calls me out because I got all 50 states and capitals right and all 44 presidents and their vices correct, and here are the students calling me out and calling me a freak because I know all that. Now yes...I agree I am some freak of nature but its only freaky because its uncommon. Its a "gift" to have a memory like mine but believe me its not all milk and cookies (I will save that for a later post).
So I started last week mid week and that was a long couple of days. Where is the crush? ive got him in french (one class only) lucky for me thats the longest class of the day however I sit as far away as I possibly can from him but we are in eye shot so its all good.
There was a football game last week and I went with a few friends so that was a bit of a boost in the morale department. Today there was also I game but I couldn't find anyone to go with. I tried to get my goalie friend to come but he didnt want to being mr "I graduated". At any rate I talked to him today (he came to visit after school). We had a fun time poking around the school for a while and talking to people. He wanted to see who this crush of mine is so we looked for him but he was nowhere to be found and seen. The goalie friend is pretty much everything I have ever been told about as far as how people act after they know you're not straight. I kept hearing him catch him self like "dude thats ga...stupid" I find that to be a nice touch even though I dont give a crap. We drove around a bit and he went off and caught him self and I laughed "I cant help it!" he said. I cant really blame him, everyone says it and for the most part I could care less. Its when people start being evil and ignorant that I get pissed. Hes a good guy though. He continues to tell me everything is alright even though thats pretty clear. He knows me for who I am and thats pretty cool.

thats a pretty sweet rendition of that song if you ask me.
As over played and covered as it is im somehow able to find a nice new rendition of it every now and again.

Ive been breaking in a baseball glove for someone. Yeah pretty random I know but I like to. The picture is of the most expensive baseball glove. We were talking about it today. Its pretty stupid. Its made of aged Italian leather and to me seems more like a fancy purse than a good glove but whatever. I got it all shaped up for him now im working it in. Its one of those things I do for people on the side and have earned a following because im awesome at it apparently. People ask me to break them in at all sorts of random times too like this one ive been loving on now or those random ones I will get mid season. my secret? I dont think I have one. Just know how to shape the pocket and your good. Why am I talking about this?

Ive decided now that tomorrow morning I am making crepes

that means I haven't really got anything else to say other than that im happy to be alive. I guess life just comes along with the upperclassman-ship. Its the underclassmen who should be in fear for their lives. So we are good life with the package deal and a headachy class schedule. Big woot for that one. Nice going Tyler!

Considered trying out for volleyball though I have a feeling that will end in more misery than fun. Ill stick to being a spectator. Better to keep an eye on my crush eh?




Friday, September 3, 2010

my mother knows me too well

After all she is my mother but its hard to keep cool when shes trying to figure me out. Its even harder when she starts playing J Edgar Hoover and poking and prodding then calling my bluff. She can totally tell when im lying and thats making her scary at the moment. She can read my body language like a book and that doesn't help when she comes home and Im tutoring my crush and for the most part my subconscious seems to have full control over my body.

For the most part im able to keep relatively cool around my crush. I feel that melty happy sensation all over when he's near and I come close to losing it but I dont lose it. Add my mother to the equation and suddenly I know im being read and I start losing my cool. I cant say why but when ever my parents are lurking about I cant relax as easy. Of course she lurked around in the kitchen (I was tutoring him the little dinning room thing within eye shot of the kitchen) far longer than normal watching me like a hawk as she put away groceries and randomly changed the position of a hand towel. All the while Im trying to help the crush and stay cool while she questioningly looks on and pretends shes not.

He left our house but he left his pen and notebook behind (hmm) I texted him and told him. A good 15 minutes later I got excited to see his name in my inbox. "Oh darn. Ill come back in a few" he said.
My mom instantly began asking me questions.

Let me step back a bit. I am not the sort who goes way out of my way to help people with school work. I will help people, but not to the extent that Ive been helping this crush of mine and my mom picked up on that real quick.

"Is he giving you drugs?"
"yeah mom does he really look that sketchy?"
"do you like his sister or something?"
hahaha " stop"

she stopped. Then he came back to pick his stuff up he came to the door and I answerd it and told him Id go to my room and get his stuff (id moved it there to inspect it just incase there was some type of love note inside so I could keep it away from my moms prying eyes. Im hopeful okay) I made the mistake of being kind and letting him in because my mother swooped in like a hawk. I could hear her from my room.
"do you have any siblings?"
"yeah. a younger brother"
That got me to sprint over and break those two up. I walked him out to his waiting ride and gave him both my note book and his. Mine so he can copy the necessary notes. Yeah. Im letting him copy me. If you knew me like everybody you would know its absolutely out of character for me to let somebody copy my work. I let my crush through that boundary though because hes A) cute above all things B) I know he can be trusted C) ive gotta let him in somehow and hes deserving enough.

I read some body language out there on the drive way. I hate to make assumptions about this guy but its hard not to. He seems to enjoy chatting. I was trying hard not to melt on my driveway. He took both note books, complimented my house, then with a friendly reach slightly out of his way because im standing just a bit more than his arms length away from him. I patted my shoulder and gave it a bit of a squeeze that got my heart rate fluttering. Even when he stumbled slightly in doing it he was overly adorable.

Sunday he returns for more tutoring fun...lunch perhaps?

J Edgar (my mom) hopefully wont be giving us a hard time. She likes him...just seems suspicious about how im so good to him. She always tells me which of my friends she thinks are good looking. Its kinda...very creepy but the crush gets her seal of approval. You know its good when its mom good.

"coffee crisp... it makes a nice light snack" (sorry it needed to go here)

alright enough Mummy/crush talk.

Sunday Sunday Sunday



Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Wait...I did what?

I would like to open this post with a quote from Taylor's blog which, as you may know, he recently wrapped up. "Just because you're gay, it doesn't make you any less of a man" That quote stuck with me for quite a while. The moment I read it I scribbled it down in my book of thoughts, that journal that keeps my head clear, and about a day ago it came back to me from a source I would have never expected at a time I would have never expected.
I have a good friend that I recently made. Recently being my freshman year in high school. He graduated out this last year but we still talk. Just regular buzz back and forth. We had a class together for the last two years (my Freshman & Soph years his Jr & Sr. years). He's really cool to talk to and one of the nicest people I know. Hes that hockey goalie friend some of you might remember me talking about a while back.
He and I were texting back and forth a few days ago and he asked me if there was anyone at school I liked. He knows me pretty well so Im guessing he figured if he was gunna get anything out of me it was going to be after he graduated and I didnt need to see him everyday. I didnt feel like lying so I said "yeah, I like someone quite a lot".
Of course he asked who. I told him I really didn't want to say. He pulled a "ah come on bro, just tell me" and I maintained my "no" as I wondered what I had gotten my self into. "dude who is she?" I stared at the screen with a bit of a smirk "nobody" I replied. "Is it a dude"...that shut me up fast. I couldn't tell if he was joking or if he was serious. Within that thought he sent another text "Im serious. Is it a guy?". Hes one of those friends I felt I could tell anything to but could I tell him this? I strayed away from it. He noticed and said "thats not gunna work". "yeah, if youre gunna dig and poke yeah".... "so you are gay?" he replied back. There it was; the label I hate so much stamped on my forehead and there I was pidgin holed. "Yeah" I send back feeling majorly fucked. "and why would you cover that up for so long?" He went on to tell me hes cool with it because he has a gay uncle and has be raised to not judge. He told me he knew something was bothering me that I couldn't talk about but I didnt know it was "this". He really is the nicest person. I told him how I hate the label or for people to assume that im lesser than or just another stereotype. He reminded me that he knows who I am though and that he knows im not a stereotype or lesser in any way. Then he said it "dude, just because you're gay, that doesn't mean you're any less of a man." and he told me he knows that rings true for me.

I went to bed feeling awkward, and like though he said all that I may have freaked him out a bit. The next day I woke up with a text from him saying he wanted to meet up on the ice for a bit of a stick and skate and talk. Im not one to pass up any ice time so I got him to pick me up and take me up there. (save gas CARPOOL!) We had a good chat and a good skate. He assured me I didnt freak him out and that I have nothing to worry about. My secret is safe with him.

Well...I think thats coming out isnt it? lol I didnt think it would happen this soon or with a hockey buddy but it happened.

As for that quote, I still love it. I am putting it somewhere in my blog if you find it you win a live performance by The Zambonis! (no seriously) just click on the thing that all hockey games are divided into.

Ive got the crush coming over tomorrow so expect more news soon.

till then