Sunday, November 13, 2011

on greater british history

Lets start by saying King George III had purple piss and poop.
WTF! Yeah I know what a hook. He "suffered" from a condition known as porphyria which turns ones waste "a delightful shade of purple" Safe search it on google.

So I was wondering about the brits and their odd history. Think about it. Some dudes on an island who fight over bits of the island then unify and take over the whole freaking world. THEN in the 50's THE Queen (because people speak of her as if there is only one queen in this whole freaking word) lets "the Empire upon which the sun never sets" fall out of her tight royal grasp, and allows for the founding on some common wealth type thingy (great idea btw liz).

Personally id dig the emperor of India title so I wouldn't let any of that happen under my watch.

Lets step back a few 358 years to the year 1653...A gent by the name of Oliver Cromwell has just become Lord Protector of the Commonwealth (its that word again!) of England, Scotland, and Ireland. So this dudes like "hey guys Im lord protector n' no dynastic king!" yet four years later he insists that his son, Richard, be named 2nd lord protector...
whats more is that he suddenly pulls that "ordained by god" shit that every monarch ever has pulled.
the people are like "g'damn I didnt sign up for this shit"
then the council of state/rump parliament/ privy council...those guys come back
and say fuck the cromwells and their BS and then Charles II becomes king at 21 in 1651.
there is a paining of a young (like 3 year old) Charles II (or chucky 2.0) in a dress...why in gods name did the old english people dress so freaking weird.

Id dig an ermine coat, not gonna lie, but I think id would be too old world for this new world chap.

So what the heck did you just read? You just read what is the result of a late night conversation and a Tyler who needs rest, but also needs very much to spew out crap about history before he can sleep soundly.

The following has been made up. It too is the result of the same conversation and restlessness. read with caution.

The skilled huntsman drew his bow, and with a twang sent an arrow streaking though the air like a commit.
The arrow landed in the soft loamy earth of the scottish lowlands.
The huntsman had just demonstrated physics and was thus considered a witch and burned at the stake.
The following is what happened in the days following his death, and according to the US government what you are about to read never occurred (red october reference)

"EARU!" Shouted the Welsh as they mounted Ergile hill to face the Scotts.
A bagpipe twattled on in the distance...
The great st Andrews cross streaking across the broad navy blue canvas let out a crack as the wind tousled it too and fro.

The men beneath the other banner...that of Wales, had no such imagery to make their position appear any further romanticized, so they continued their shout in the hope that they may get at least some recognition. "EARU!!"

Some stichomythia...horses whinnying

A rousing speech from the commanders of either side to his respective troops. Horses still whinnying


Much like all wars on the British isles this one was for no good reason at all and the result was one which would have no profound impact on history. In fact if you have any sense of geography there is really no reason that the Welsh or Scottish should be fighting. Neither ever had territory that would have put them at odds...Why are you even reading this?


1000 years pass.


Today the welsh mine for coal and have a brilliantly engineered lamp system (that is now antiquated) which saves undereducated miners from deadly explosions, and the Scotts long for better days whist eating haggis, raising sheep, and throwing heavy objects while donning sport kilts n' highland dress.

Something profound


< sequel >

if you feel the need to argue with any of the above close your browser now.


Monday, November 7, 2011

the pale blue dot

"Plagiarism!" Cries the blogger crowd. "STFU!" interjects the teenager who doesn't need to be original 100% of the time to feel satisfied. Hipsters need to calm down.

If you haven't listened to it before you should.

I often listen to it when I need to be humbled by the absolute grandeur of what exists beyond all that my existence will ever be. How unlikely am I? The culmination of millions of years of accident after accident and simple mutations. How lucky are we to live our fleeting existence on this "pale blue dot"?
think how inconsequential we all really are. Atomic bombs have destroyed cities on that dot, and millions of people have been senselessly killed, yet from that far away even events as grand as the holocaust and bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki become negligible.
What does that make us then?
We exist to only as many people as we open up to, and for most that number is very few when weighed against the whole world population. If one were to travel not too far out of his way he will discover that he, and all he has ever been through, means close to nothing to the people who live there. Only if he shares his life story will he have weight in that community, and who wants to sit through that?
What trials and tribulations have we gone though that have lead us to now? What do those mean on the grand scale? Well if harnessing the energy of atoms to decimate populations becomes nothing; I doubt we hold any sort of ranking.
All that we have ever done, or will ever do, becomes forgotten at our atmospheres boundary, and that the farthest we have ever gone in human history is to our own moon. I say this not to discount the perceived grandeur of our history here, but rather to place emphasis on the fact that when you are a dot you are no longer grand.

perspective changes everything

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I've nothing more to tell you—I'll survive without it—

Ive been working on this in between stacks of college admission craziness. Its been helping to keep my essay writing clean.
Yeah whatever. dont be offended that you are reading through my writers dust bin. Dont demand perfection from a guy in high school...ya doucher.

Yet again I make my return to haunt the internet though my ghost of a blog. I'm sure there is some overly critical bastard is thinking "this kid said he was done with us and never to return! He's a liar! CHARLATAN!" Dude...stfu. Its a blog if you hate it that much you may unfollow it. I am (again) to unleash some thoughts unto the internet and anyone who cares to read the raving thoughts of another nut who has access to the internet. For those of you observant people who are like "wth! where have all of the identifying labels and social categories gone?" You ought to read the previous post. In short FUCK labels. Ive had enough. Dont even bother.
Think of the following as an open letter to anyone who is younger than me. If you're older and still get something out of it thats cool too. Its here to help anyone who may need it.

Dear Colton,
Here you are sitting on the threshold of high school and you have no clue what to do or what this whole place is all about. Believe me this is not the last time this is going to happen to you. Though you may be nervous, and even slightly intimidated you are going to be alright in the end of all of this. Yeah four years seems like a long time, but in the whole scheme of things it is quite literally a blink of an eye. Before you know it your freshman year will be over and you will move on to your sophomore year just to realize it ends just as soon. Bizarre I know. Im sure these weeks feel as if they are moving so slow but you'll believe me when its suddenly March. So back to the issue of what to do about your next four years here. I dont require you to be a genius or prodigy, but I do hope that you try your absolute best to do all that you want to. If there is something you want to do DO IT! it's as easy as that. Work toward a major goal like getting into a college or perhaps even simply graduating then working from there, but enjoy your time all the while; just dont lose sight of your long term goals. You'll only regret the stuff you didn't do when you had the chance so do it now. Don't be afraid to take chances and make mistakes. All of your experiences will make you a better person and help you to grow. DONT SELL YOURSELF SHORT! A wise friend of mine told me that. Be true to yourself and be yourself! Thomas Jefferson said "in matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle stand like a rock".
You're gonna make mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes! You need to learn from them. There is an old arabian proverb that goes something like; if something happens once then it wont happen again, but if it happens a second time it is sure to happen a third. In other words; don't do the same stupid thing twice! Keep your chin up in times where you feel you aren't preforming at your peak. Your teenage years are by no means your "prime". Take it easy.
Dont you dare dabble in drugs! I will murder you if I find out you've been fucking around with the wrong stuff. It seems stupid for me to encourage free thought and action, and limit you here but believe me you'll thank me when you're clean and successful, and not slow and dependent on artificial highs. Find something else to do. make it productive. Say no to drugs. enough said.
Sleep and relax! try and get a full 8 hours 9 if you can swing it! I got 10 on a week day once before! Eat breakfast in the morning, and don't eat shit for lunch. Let lunch time be your chill time. Dont pour over the stresses of your day just chill out with a few friends instead.
Make some alone time for your self, and fill it with something you enjoy. If you enjoy napping, nap. if you enjoy running, run. Do what you like to do because you want to.
Chill with your friends every now and then. Take a break and go to a movie, hang out in the park, do whatever just don't let your working life weigh on you.
Need help making friends? Just start talking to people! Be calm and have something to say, an opinion perhaps, and people will be receptive. Be your self and stick with the people who gravitate to you. If you need to bend over backward to be friends with somebody then they aren't really a friend.
Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat. Don't let people walk over you! Stand strong and work for yourself first! If something isnt working out seek to resolve it.

Call this a start. Sorry its so late. I will keep in touch and try to help you when I can.
Don't be afraid, and don't panic.

Catch up later buddy


Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I had to say it to someone

So yeah I thought i'd stabbed this thing in the neck a while back, but google apparently rules over all blogs, both living and dead, and in its infinite power and wisdom has allowed me to resurrect this open forum to which I used to frequently spew my random and often unsettling thoughts. Once again I chose lay fingers to keys and unleash the power of the written word unto the 43 people who still apparently follow my dead digital thought collecting dust bin. The intention of this post is not to bring you all up to date on my personal goings on as blog posts so frequently are, but rather to express to raw emotion.
If even for a moment when you read " express raw emotion" you made a connection to the fact I am gay I want to FUCKING KILL YOU! A bit harsh a punishment Im sure you are thinking, but seriously this pigeon holing shit has got to end. There are few things in this world that piss me off more than the generalization, or categorization of humans by other humans. How dumb do you need to be to think that a one worded category or sub-category is enough to describe a person? Masculine gay guy, a sub-category of gay guy, is not enough to fully describe me or any other person for that matter. Now i'm not going to pull that whole "i'm unique/my own person" dramatic bull shit as i'm sure the previous suggests it enough. I am however going to come fucking unglued over this subject for the next few glorious minutes so please do sit back and sip your tea (or nattys, I dont fucking give a shit what you drink while reading shit on the internet)
I'm sure there are the few straight people out there reading this ( the kind who are into helping gay people out like we are lost puppies or some crap like that) who think they know whats up with the gay community. Like im sure you know everything right? STFU!
Tell me about all the shit you like and I'll tell you about all the shit I do. Ready go:

Oh sweet! what cool stuff that veganist movement is. you especially had me going when you told me about you love for photography and vinyl records. Nice to see all of those pictures you took on your holga of your cities pride event, and thats one mighty fine prius you drive.

For some people Im sure that was shockingly spot on. for the rest of you who are all "wtf that doesnt define me dood your a hypocrit!"
for starters you used the wrong form of you're and you ought to spell hypocrite correctly if you would like to call me one.
Well the point here, that I hope can be taken by the majority, is that generalization sucks!!
If I described every straight person who is chill with gay people under those terms I would be in severe need of an introduction to some new people.
The same can be said for people who assume all gay guys are into acting like dramatic femmy people and rather enjoy a nice sweater or two.
now I'm sure some of you are all "DUDE! I get it! I know lots of gay guys who aren't femmy"
Frankly you probably don't get it yet so read on.

As simple as my brain can make it at 3:30am here is this real world example.

I have a straight friend. He and likes sports, as do I. He doesn't like sports because he is straight he likes girls because he's straight (believe me he wont shut up about them). Likewise I like guys because im gay. NOT ALL GUYS YOU FUCKER! just the ones im attracted to. (tell me you're not selective and I hope a bus runs you over!)

Simple yeah? gay guys like guys straight guys like girls...asexual guys don't like either where bi guys like both. From that point forward their preferences are just as unique as every FUCKING SNOWFLAKE AND CHEETO!

SO what the hell do I like?

I like a great many things!
I'm gay therefore I like guys and I like nothing other than guys because of my sexual orientation.

Yes I may have a microwavable monkey stuffed with the finest lavender from the south of France, but I do not have it because I am gay. I have it because my mother bought it for me to help me calm the hell down!

I am a strong willed person not because I feel I need to prove my self among my peers because Im gay but rather because I have always been determined and not one to take shit from a dumb ass who knows little of the advice he thinks he has to offer.

I like cars, so do most other 17 year old guys

I will openly admit that my brain does not do all of my thinking for me. NOT because im gay, but because im a virile 17 year old guy who has yet to escape the regular assault of his rapidly changing chemical composition.

Im no lost puppy, confused kid, or soul looking for answers. In fact I have a hell of a lot more shit in order than most guys my age and thats not because im gay! Its because im a fucking successful mother f'er and proud of it!

Shit im not "proud" of liking guys and I see no reason to be proud of being gay or embracing a stereotype that makes not sense at all, but I do have reason to be damn proud of all of the crap I have managed to accomplish and undoubtedly would have accomplished if I was any of the available sexual orientations.

It is Freddy Mercury's 65th birthday. (if you haven't seen the thingy on googles home page GO LOOK AT IT NOW!)

a bunch of people are all...*memory* "HE DIED OF AIDS AND IS GAY!!!!!111one"
again I must correct you my good fellow he died of pneumonia that his body could not fight off as a result of having AIDS and he WAS gay he is now dead, and therefore can not be of any particular orientation.

Anyway! who gives a crap if he was gay! Who gives a crap if Im gay or you're gay or straight.
Who gives a crap that Chaz Bono is now a guy and will be on dancing with the stars? Who gives a crap that I even knew about that?
...why did I know about that? ITS NOT BECAUSE IM GAY!

I have added to the ever growing stack of anger and contempt over generalizing idiots!

I dont care who you are just be chill with everybody. Its seriously not that hard to do. I mean yeah you can hate that douche who tried to poison your water with eye drops, but hate him BECAUSE he tried to poison your water with eye drops NOT because of his sexual orientation or any misconceptions you have about it.
Understand me? Nothing can make you more or less straight, gay, bi, lesbian, transgendered, or asexual. There is no positive or negative value to any of these figures. there is only a singular definition to each of these and it has nothing to do with the personality of the person it only has to do with who they would prefer to, for lack of a better phrase and maturity, get it on with.


You've made it to the end of this angry tirade and I'd love to give you a physical prize however the expense of doing so for all who may see this would be staggering so today your prize is your freedom.

Feel free to comment on this with any input you may have.

...also dont feel bad about anything just because I mentioned it. Only you have the power to make your self feel bad not I!

lastly... Don't ever tell anybody anything, if you do you start missing everybody.

(you there! you who caught that! 10 points to Gryffindor!)


Monday, January 10, 2011

In conclusion

Hello All.

After much thinking I have decided that it is best for me to stop blogging and allow my self to continue on without it. It has served its purpose; It has made me a part of a very supportive community and has introduced me to some very great people. It has allowed me to help many people as well. Now however, I chose to let it go. Thank you all.



Saturday, January 1, 2011

Winter Classic!


Woke Up this morning to the Sabres and Penguins. Had no clue that would be on. Looking forward to an hour from now. I will be going to a friends house to watch the winter classic. (why am I writing in this tense?) In an hour I will be going to a friends house to watch the winter classic. Im pretty excited as it should be a fun game. Who are you all rooting for?

Boarding was fun fun. Christmas was good, my birthday was even more fun.
anyway this was just a quickie.
So roight winter classic. im out.


PS. There is a monkey that I got for Christmas that is stuffed with lavender, Its fantastic. He can be heated in the microwave. Those of you in need of therapeutic bedroom stuffs should seriously consider buying one.