Friday, October 19, 2012

A dream

To whom do I owe the pleasure of returning to this media once again?

One may expect the colloquial "its been forever," or perhaps "Its been a lifetime."
I am a man of preference when it comes to word selection, and I would pick the latter statement if I were to be so cordial with the audience that is less likely to be reading this than they would have been two years ago.  
A lifetime indeed. Much room for growth.

No I am not out yet, I say to the certain individuals who hold being open in such high esteem.
I am private as ever, and I am okay with that. I am happy enough.
Do I chase crushes? I'd sooner chase a car off of a cliff.

Why the cynicism?
That is none of your business.

[A memory that likes to return in my sleep]


The light hum of machinery resolves into the sound of a light sea breeze, and the crashing of waves fifty feet below. It is night time.

  There went one.
and another. 

Can you believe the stupidity of some people?

 like who?

Crystal, who thought that meteors were dying stars...
how she got into UCLA and not you I will never understand.

some people...

 [a few moments without conversation] 

there went another...

I talked with my mom about going camping with you. 

Oh yeah?

She misunderstood me when I said we would be rowing a bunch. She thought I said swimming. She is much more open to the idea of rowing. She said it should be fun.

Ha. sure lets swim 26 miles while we're at it.

a few hikes are a must. There is plenty to see yeah?
It will be fun to be isolated for a few days...we shouldn't bring our cell phones.

Oh yeah. [holding back surprise] that would be nice to actually get away from everybody.

When are we going to go, spring break? 

Probably not. It would be too windy. Winter will be too cold. We will need to wait for summer again. 

[brief quiet is broken by a wave sounding below]

...but I might not be back for summer...not this one at least...early summer. I may be back late summer, but I cant make any guarantees. 

NO! [genuine displeasure]

whenever I'm back and the weather is fine I think we should do it.

we will plan, and make time! ['we will make time' has become something of a mantra of ours]

there went another. 

We will always make time. 
I dont care where I have been, or how busy I get. Whenever I am back I will make time. 
Thats what I come back for...I come back because I have a reason to. 

and I do too. 

by now the conversation ends by our own accord.
Arms find their way around shoulders, a hand searches then rests.

we know what we are doing, but chose to never recognize it.

[a break]

my memory begins to buzz, and the sound of the night begins to lift.
The dark sky becomes oppressive, and I find myself alone.

the night sky rises above me.

the flag flys, up-lit from it's base. A nightingale sings to nobody in particular.

The only feeling I can recall is separation.

[a flash]

A lit hallway.

polished tile floors. railed walls, and many doors leading to offices unseen.

at the end of the hall a man comes running toward me.

when he reaches me he whispers into my right ear.

"they know."

I stand paralyzed with fear.  my stomach hurts

I want to disappear.

I wake to my room.



  1. hey dude, nice to hear from you... enjoyed the dream ;-)

  2. Hi there, Tyler

    Welcome back - it's good to see someone returning to blog-land. I'm afraid that, as you observe, many of the people from a couple of years ago are no longer around - I guess many people's lives have changed.

    The dream is interesting; I don't have enough context of your life to know what it means to you, but it's certainly well-told.

    As for coming out, that's entirely up to you.

    Take care


  3. everybody knows.. its so obvious.. like an elephant on the ice rink.. theyre just too polite to say anything..

  4. I don't know what prompted me to visit today. But it was nice to see a new blog entry. I always hold a good thought that everything works out for you.