Wait...I did what?

I would like to open this post with a quote from Taylor's blog which, as you may know, he recently wrapped up. "Just because you're gay, it doesn't make you any less of a man" That quote stuck with me for quite a while. The moment I read it I scribbled it down in my book of thoughts, that journal that keeps my head clear, and about a day ago it came back to me from a source I would have never expected at a time I would have never expected.

I have a good friend that I recently made. Recently being my freshman year in high school. He graduated out this last year but we still talk. Just regular buzz back and forth. We had a class together for the last two years (my Freshman & Soph years his Jr & Sr. years). He's really cool to talk to and one of the nicest people I know. Hes that hockey goalie friend some of you might remember me talking about a while back.

He and I were texting back and forth a few days ago and he asked me if there was anyone at school I liked. He knows me pretty well so Im guessing he figured if he was gunna get anything out of me it was going to be after he graduated and I didnt need to see him everyday. I didnt feel like lying so I said "yeah, I like someone quite a lot".

Of course he asked who. I told him I really didn't want to say. He pulled a "ah come on bro, just tell me" and I maintained my "no" as I wondered what I had gotten my self into. "dude who is she?" I stared at the screen with a bit of a smirk "nobody" I replied. "Is it a dude"...that shut me up fast. I couldn't tell if he was joking or if he was serious. Within that thought he sent another text "Im serious. Is it a guy?". Hes one of those friends I felt I could tell anything to but could I tell him this? I strayed away from it. He noticed and said "thats not gunna work". "yeah, if youre gunna dig and poke yeah".... "so you are gay?" he replied back. There it was; the label I hate so much stamped on my forehead and there I was pidgin holed. "Yeah" I send back feeling majorly fucked. "and why would you cover that up for so long?" He went on to tell me hes cool with it because he has a gay uncle and has be raised to not judge. He told me he knew something was bothering me that I couldn't talk about but I didnt know it was "this". He really is the nicest person. I told him how I hate the label or for people to assume that im lesser than or just another stereotype. He reminded me that he knows who I am though and that he knows im not a stereotype or lesser in any way. Then he said it "dude, just because you're gay, that doesn't mean you're any less of a man." and he told me he knows that rings true for me.

I went to bed feeling awkward, and like though he said all that I may have freaked him out a bit. The next day I woke up with a text from him saying he wanted to meet up on the ice for a bit of a stick and skate and talk. Im not one to pass up any ice time so I got him to pick me up and take me up there. (save gas CARPOOL!) We had a good chat and a good skate. He assured me I didnt freak him out and that I have nothing to worry about. My secret is safe with him.

Well...I think thats coming out isnt it? lol I didnt think it would happen this soon or with a hockey buddy but it happened.

As for that quote, I still love it. I am putting it somewhere in my blog if you find it you win a live performance by The Zambonis! (no seriously) just click on the thing that all hockey games are divided into.

Ive got the crush coming over tomorrow so expect more news soon.

till then

later

Tyler

My Busy Brain

Alright, so I have discovered my brain can only handle so much stuff at once. Yea it can handle more than the average bear but it is reaching a tipping point and I need to let off some steam so I dont die!

I kept a journal once, I hated it only because of the writing, love typing though so blogger rocks. The support from people who actually get me helps too. Thanks to you all.

Okay so crush story comes first. So there is this dude in my french class and hes freaking adorable! people think hes crazy and jokes around but hes got some seriously good stuff going for him. He and I were talking on aim the other day about how he wants to go to cooking school and eventually be head chef of some restaurant. Anyone else would have shot that idea of his down but I know its something he wants to do. Hes talked about it before, in fact in class he brought it up and it only made people laugh. I told him about a cultural exchange program my dad did years ago when he was trying to become a chef and he seemed pretty stoked about it. He really wants to go. On to the more...for lack of a better word interesting part. He has been dropping hints to me that hes gay for quite some time. I go right along with it, I dont jump on it and be like SO AM I! I just keep talking to him to let him know im perhaps interested. Hes one of those kids who kids who can act as gay as he wants and have people still believe hes 100% straight. Hes not a flamer but he can can get away with hugs and...idk intimate hair fondling lol and the occasional butt grab (got one of those from him bout a month ago). Thats why im confused, like ill catch him checking me out in class or even out at lunch, but there is that possibility hes just mad doggin me. I dont act gay so idk why he keeps coming on to me. I think cuz ive showed no opposition to what his perceivable sexual preferences are. People know me as an indifferent person so its cool. If someone ran up to me and was all hey im gay im got gunna shoot them down for it. As far as he goes I want him to be gay, and I he can like me as much as he wants to, im not gunna put that down. He stares at me in class, I stare back. People just think were being funny but I only use that as a cover. I really want to stare at him and he seems to want to do the same with me all the time. I dont mind looking at him either. hes quite the stud if you ask me. The other day he seemed to tell me he was gay out right, he walked up to me after school, we spoke in french cuz were cool and he just tells me "J'aime les hommes" (I like men) and I was just kinda like ah good, nothing wrong with that and he just kinda smiled said bye and cruised away. Hes got some serious "swagger" its amazing. I haven't talked to him since then so Idk whats up. I remember liking him last year even like from the day I first met him I was like damn hes friggen awesome. He gave me lemonade once so thats cool. Im keeping an eye on this one.

Hello spring. Today is the vernal equinox and im sure some creepy pagan group somewhere sacrificed something yet I sacrifice nothing as im not a creeper. Nothing really being facebook and fast food (what I gave up for lent) but they are not a lamb so were good.

I flew today! I planned it like a week ago with this guy who lets me fly his planes and of corse today is like the shittyest day to go up, its all hazy and smoggy. It was like China smoggy I swear. So he told me a funny story while we were up, Taylor should get it.

So there is a pilot, hes new in the sky and hes all shaky and nervous in his little cessna putting around in the sky. Hes chatting with ground and they ask him to squawk his altitude so he looks at his altimeter and sees it reads that hes at 7,500 ft so he reaches over to his squawk box and punches in 7500. So he happily zips around for some time then he requests to return to and land at the air strip and he is granted permission to land so he goes through the paces and brings his plane down rubber side down and he proudly checks in with ground who tell him to go to a particular ramp. He goes on over and before he knows it his plane is surrounded by the FBI and guys with guns are shouting at him as he is drug from his plane and layed down on the ground and cuffed at gun point. Poor guy didnt know 7500 was the squawk for a hijacking and obviously didnt know how to squawk his altitude. To ground school with him! (after jail)

Alright as usual:

talk more later

Tyler

love todays pic btw, check out that down wash. pretty sweet looking.

Spring is springing

oh spring...the time of year that I go nuts. The time of year I often times catch my self staring at some guy and pretend like I was only speaceing out when he catches me. oh spring...

March sucks! I have a head cold! Need I say more? I can but I would rather not right now to keep from dyeing.

So a while back a friend of mine told me he didn't know how to ice skate. I do live in california after where people have trouble fixing them selfs cerel in the morning (im not one of those people just sayin) So I have made it my personal gaol to have him out skating like a pro (or close to it) by the end of March. we went to the rink today to putz around some and he does that slipy slidy thing everyone seems to do when they have know clue what they are doing. Y'know where they are doing more | | instead of / \ with their skates. I cant really describe it but hopefully you get the picture, basically he isnt making any progress in any direction at this point cuz hes not pushing off like / \ and still doing the | | thing and is in a really awkward stance so I had to think back to when I taught 5 year olds how to skate with the nose over the knees, knees over the toes thing they teach everyone. I had to give him a break sorta, I can be like a DI when it come to this sort of thing. Hes 17 and his first time in skates and on ice was last weekend. Hes my project for this month basically. He is getting there. we managed to get from the door of the rink to the blue line before he fell and it was a struggle all the way im telling you. We made a whole lap with out falling by the end of the skate just some weird semi fall/toe touchy things. I dunno, I hope I wasnt this much of a hand full when I was 5 and learning how to skate. I bet I was worse. to tell you the truth I kinda like it but I bet you already knew that. I would tolly blitz him about being a bender but thats the least of our worries right now. More on him later

Ive been meaning to talk on puck bunnies as of late. SOoo many of them at school. Seriously, these girls couldnt even tell you how long the game lasts or anything beyond that really. It takes them forever to figure out when a goal has been scored, sometimes they cheer for the wrong side. The thing that sux more is they are really all we got as far as support in the stands (Ca is not a hockey state...yet we have 3 NHL teams) I guess not full of hockey people. Anyway, so they might not like you or want much to do with you. Then spring season rolls around and then your fighting them off with a stick. Of course they get all pissy cuz I dont want much to do with them in either situation. Now it would be different if they were nice and mabey...idk knew hockey but TABARNAK they arent! They are evil! Im just like Omg, Se taire! laissez-moi tranquil! fermer toutes les portes s'il te plaît! Cripes! They couldnt even tell me what went on in the game,

just that so n' so likes #11 and wants to know his number.

They are gunna make a man miserable one day.

Im stuck in a math class with these girls...per 3 man ugh.

Im not my self today and It may or may not show im my writing but thats because I have a cold.

When I get sick its only for like a day but man does it mess me up. Also this time change form

PST to PDT messes with me too. Spring forward, Fall back as they say.

Im gunna get to bed so I can get up in the mornin

Tyler