Sunday, May 23, 2010

sunday best

I normally dont blog on a Sunday...not because of catholic guilt but because I like to take sundays off and vedge. I havent been blogging as frequently though and its prolly best that I do cuz I dont write in my journal as much. That thing is full of little one liners now and random thoughts as well as a to do list.
Im pretty relaxed right now as I normally am on a sunday. I dont have any work to do or anything to do but its cool. Thats kinda how I like a sunday to be. Its nearly noon and all I have done today is read some and make tea. I just posed an old blog post I though I had put up on the 19th but didnt so thats why thats there.

My crush is prolly straight. I think I said that I troll his formspring like crazy and though that I have kinda been able to test the waters in true creeper fashion. I dont call it stalking if its only over formspring. Any reporter or detective would call it a stage in an investigation. So yea thats that I guess. Hes prolly just nice and what ever I perceived as him liking me was prolly just his niceness and that weirdness he has that allows him to get away with anything. The way I see it is that if he cant be my boyfriend I will still make him my friend! DETERMINATION!

So you all know im sub par as far as emotional integrity goes, but there is not a heck of a lot that can be done about that. Im doing what I can, believe me there, Its just not an easy thing to tackle and take down in one day. Its been a long struggle and will continue to be but there is always an end to this kind of thing. I would have not told the blogosphere about it but I needed to tell someone.

Im not crazy and gunna run off and kill my self. I try to focus on moments that are good and enjoy the feeling while I have it. I try to be in situations where I can be as happy as I can be so im not suffering. Its impossible to escape sometimes though. Its hard to explain but it just comes sometimes and I will be really sad all of the sudden. I try not to let it show or have it ruin my life but it gets to me regardless. Like I said Im doing what I can and blogging helps.

So California state testing is over, APs are over, whats next? Well...my whap teacher told us we "will have two projects assigned to us both will be done in groups. They will be done over the next four weeks and will be very difficult." He gets that way when hes having a trying day. They cant be that hard so im not worried, it was just funny how he worded it all.

To be honest I dont have a heck of a lot more to say.

Blog at you later
-Tyler


10 comments:

  1. haha trolling ppl's formsprings. i've done that =P

    btw wut grade u in again?

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  2. holy shit ur young. u sound like ur a senior from the way u write. no wonder ur an ap student haha

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  3. Hi there hackey monkey,

    I agree with you, you gotta interpret the music, get concentrated and play with heart. You also need to be good technically. Do a lot of warm-ups and exercises that will give you strength, speed and flexibility. Train yourself to play one of your songs with your eyes closed. It’s very fun.

    Teenage hood has a lot of ups and downs. Try to be in peace with yourself. I don’t wanna sound cheesy but I heard this in a movie once and it’s sound advise: “It's so much easier to be happy. It's so much easier to choose to love the things that you have, instead of always yearning for what you're missing, or what it is that you're imagining you're missing. It is so much more peaceful.”

    Peace,

    Luke

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  4. @Joey

    yea. I people tell me that often lol. I like me some writing. :P

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  5. @Luke

    Music is truly an international language. If you can understand it you've got it made me thinks.

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  6. Hey Tyler, I read this post and your last one and I feel what you are going through. I've struggled with depression my whole life. It can be very frustrating becomes sometimes I would just get sad. Then I'd get angry because I didn't feel like I had a reason to be sad. I remember getting so angry once I almost broke my hand hitting a wall. Of course, then I couldn't explain to anyone why I was hitting a wall because I couldn't explain it to myself. And the cycle repeats.

    You've done the most important first step though and that is recognize that it is happening. It's important because that already gives you power over what is going on. I would tell myself that even though I would get those feelings that I would have a up time again soon. If nothing else, I understood how my emotions worked and that helped.

    I also had some professional help at points. That helped tremedously because that objective professional listener helped me gain a lot of perspective and develop tools to help me. It was kind of a like a blog. She listened to what I had to say without judgement and in absolute confidentiality but also understood how my brain worked and some of the whys of how I felt.

    You're doing great and you're taking care of yourself. It will get better. Never forget your blog buddies are here if you need to tell us anything or just vent.

    Take good care of yourself!

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  7. @GayEMTNJ

    Thanks man!
    that first bit you wrote is also true for me. It helps to know people understand. Thanks again. You take care too.

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  8. Next four weeks? When does summer vacation start? Sorry about your crush being straight, I know how much that sucks, but maybe he's just good at hiding it. I know I was.

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  9. @Jeff

    Idk if he is or not. Hes prolly the most confusing person out there lol. Yea we get out real late like the 25th or something like that. the 24th? idk just humming right though to the end never the less

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