I bet you were thinking that unless you are familiar with english music even then you're still confused unless of course you are familiar with bulgarian music. So yea. If you are still listening the song you hear right now is in Bulgarian. WHY? Do I need a reason? I guess so. I like the song...the bulgarian version not necessarily the english version. I like the bulgarian lyrics better. The song in bulgarian is titled светлина by Tonica the title in english means light and the song is talking about how things in the world are full of light and how they bring light to the world etc. Because I am absolutely in love at the moment and therefore capable of doing the craziest most corny yet adorable things this song happens to be one of them. let me explain. I am quite the lover/liker if I do say so my self. When I love or like it is total love (much like total war) however I dont let it interfere with my personal life. I consider this blog part of my emotional life so love may exist here. Anyway...if I say I love somebody I friggen love them. Every ounce of love that exists within me is poured out onto them. If they recognize it or not however is up to them. Sometimes I need to hold these things back...in fact all the time seeing as though I never let guys know I may like them or love them as is our situation here. I will let bits of open friendliness slip out often when I feel like im gunna explode but thats about it...dry and bitter the rest of the way. In the case of love it is hugely different and I am experiencing that now for what I think is the first time. Mostly before now its been like and not love but I do believe it has gown to the edges and may have entered the zone that is physiologically considered to be love...that or ive just had too much chocolate. Im not sure what makes this different but somehow it is. Its significantly stronger than the normal like Ive been aware of before. I ask my self "wtf are you doing?" often as I feel an uncontrollable boldness around mr crush. Ive been doing things as of late (in recent months) that I may not have done had I not been introduced to mr crush. I almost feel guilty calling him a crush because it sure doesnt feel like it.
Let me make an impromptu chart
We are where the brackets are... oddly enough 17 is my lucky number.
Why not 20? well those 3 numbers in between are where my confusion lays. Does he feel the same about me? is he even gay or has he just told me that because he can get away with it. I feel like its a game of chess and im in check and I dont have a hell of a lot of options as to where I can move.
most of you awesome people have probly experienced this before so you know exactly where this is going. (nowhere because it cant go anywhere because its the hardest thing to describe!)
I dont think I need to explain much further.
I could get into the whole melty feeling and the amazing...but no. This is me getting nothing in return mind you...aside from a few awkward hugs I know I loved but was it genuine on his part...idk.
anyway the song.
Light only because this crush of mine is the brightest light I have gotten out of the world in a long time and even though hes confusing as all hell hes still awesome.
Hes got me sure one of these days im gunna get it right even if it isnt him...however if it is I wont protest at all.
Like I said earlier. He hasn't shot me down so thats good.
We will just need to wait and see.
friends or better we will see in time.
Talk later when it isnt 2am