I couldn't think of a better title for this post...well "paranoia" but that would make me seem more crazy than I really am right now.
In a way this is an explanation for my strange behavior over the last week or so. I dont know if anyone really noticed, but I think it would be pretty apparent something was up if you were someone who knew me. A bunch of my friends have noticed I have been acting weird as of late and its bothering me more than it is them.
Recently I have been under huge pressure between school, sports, and some family stuff and its really stressing me out. I can keep a cool head for so long but it starts showing when Im not getting enough sleep. Thats pretty much it for me. Stress + lack of sleep = uh oh. So if you have noticed things not making sense in my few blog posts this week or perhaps some strange thoughts I have had that relate to nothing (me over thinking stuff etc) thats what it is. Im turning back the other way so I should be better soon. Im gunna try to get more sleep in too.
So whats stressing me out so much? Ive just got a ton on my plate right now. I picked my classes for next year last week and that was a long and confusing process cuz california is poor and we are now short on councilors and had to have all of our course selection sheets ready and in by yesterday. I was tossed from class to class as they filled spots and got enough people in what ever classes. hopefully everything is gunna work out. I ended up getting pressured into a taking a few more APs next year. I feel bad for all the councilors and teachers at school. A pretty good number of them are getting let go. I dont know how next year is gunna work out but Im sure it will some way or another.
On the sports side of things life is a bit less bleak looking and confessing but stressful never the less. My bud is still bummed about not getting played and continuing to not get played makes him worse. He feels cheated all around and all of that falls on me cuz Im the listener. I am the sort who will listen to everyone needs to say and make everyone feel better yet somehow I also take on everyones grief in the process and make so many issues my own. Idk how but thats the way I always operate. So the poor guy feels like his sister had everything handed to her on a silver platter when she played soft ball and took no offers cuz her heart wasnt in it yet he hasnt got the same for hockey when he really loves it. I know how he feels sadly enough. I feel the same about my brother so it kinda gets to me too. I just feel so bad for him cuz he looks so pissed out on the bench. I wanna do something for him but I cant. I could say something to the coach but I dont think hes gunna change his mind. Idk but its like hes got something against him.
On the family side I have a grandmother who isnt doing to well...or hasnt been doing to well but has been recovering over the last month from a stroke and shingles. She doing crazy better now and is coming home from a care home on monday and my parents are going to go see her. Im glad shes doing well now but it was hard when she wasn't cuz everyone was so sad and grouchy.
School work load has gotten bigger in prep for the AP exams too but thats not too much of an issue for me but a contributing factor most def.
On the up swing I went out for sushi last night with some buds of mine and thats always a good way of treating my self. We had a good time and it was a great change of pace and chance to unwind for a bit. This weekend is full of relatively nothing just a great two days for me to chill out and get my self back to normal.
Im pretty much done for now
will talk more later