Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The important (less nerdy more age appropriate) stuff

Okay, back to being 16 again. Eh. so practice on monday, we took on a few new solid players. I was hoping I would get bumped back up to my winger position but coach insists I stay a d-man. Oh well. We have 2 games between now and sunday, should I say when they are? idk. I feel like this season is moving very slowly for some reason. It should pick up soon. Why Is it in spring? I think its so people who play in the proper leagues can play for their HS teams as well. I want to play for one of those next year.
My brothers in the kitchen bull shitting to my mum and its pissing me off.
In english we are reading a Separate Peace. Finny and Gene, what a cute couple they would be if Gene didnt keep trying to KILL Finny!
There are a whole bunch of flamboyantly gay people at my school. They seem to think that to be gay you need to act the way they do and know everything about theater arts. Like, If I went up to them and came out they wouldn't believe me. They would prolly be grossed out first off but then they would be all. Oh you cant be gay you dont have Streissand on your ipod!
I try not to think of them as a dark mark on the gay community but its so hard cuz they would think of me as a black mark just the same. Its weird to think that you may be hated by your "own kind" if you will. I dont understand why there are flamboyant gay people and then masculine gay people. I didnt chose to be gay but did they chose to be femmy? Do you chose to act femmy? I dont really chose to act masculine I just do...I guess. If you chose to act femmy is it as an identity thing? Does it help you identify, feel happy? If it makes you feel happy more power to you, I have nothing against it I just want to know.
Spring break is coming. I will be visiting colleges WOOOT. Me and my occasional bouts of over achieving. I love it because I feel safe for the long run but kinda hate it too. Smart people (aside from the decent few) all think im some type of goofy jock idiot. Then the sportive people think im some type of nerdy weirdo. Is there any happy medium I will ever find? Probly...It will take some time im sure.
So much stuff going though my head tonight.
So ass put some bad comments on Mikeys blog that pissed me off. Im sure hes just some lonely weirdo but it still bothered me.
I feel like if I continue I will just go on bumbling about nothing so I will finish up.
All n' all today was a pretty good day. Looking forward to our first few real games. Todays pic is of Doug Gilmour. Its for Madeleine. #93 (my birth year). I have his Canadiens jersey but I out grew it. the other day it was Wendel Clark (a favorite) #17...my number. I picked it haphazardly when I started playing and it just stuck and I have grown into it as MY number. Its my lucky number and it appears often in my life. I love it.
Alright so much for finishing up.
Good night


  1. well i'm glad you're not being quite as hostile towards effeminate gays as some people are! especially since so many other people out there that are hostile towards gay as a whole.

    keep an open mind because (without too much pontification) it may just be their personality...


  2. Thanks for the Gilmour pic! Great player, and awesome guy too (I got to meet him once). And it's funny how numbers stick like that. My Dad's been 14 for a long time because of Dave Keon.
    I think it's hard to get along with people who are "different" than you, even though you are really the same. And honestly, you don't have to like people who are flamboyant. You just have to accept that they are going through the same struggles as you, and sometimes worse because they are so "obviously" gay. I do think people can be born that way, but gender expression's a funny thing that is influenced a lot by environment.

  3. Tyler-

    I hear what you are saying about guys who are less masculine- but remember they also have had to come to terms with their own sexuality and dealing with it the way the can. And it's not necessarily an act- it might just be their personality. However- I do agree it can be annoying when someone plays it up intentionally. Sadly- at a younger age the only exposure other teens may have is to this artsy gay male you are referring to- and not the hockey playing one. And I don't think they are as closed off to accepting you into the gay fold though- i think it is more they probably view you as a jock and that they don't know how to relate to you. and it's not like just because you are both gay that you will be friends.....

    Madeleine- sorry you are having to endure this season- and not even getting your first rounder from it!

  4. @hb9-thanks. it hurts a lot, but relationships are about work, and I'm not giving up on my boys yet.

  5. Most gay guys find masculine guys really hot! If you came out to them, you'd find half of them crushing on you hard lol.

    Many femmy gay guys were a bit femmy long before they accepted they were gay. No doubt they copped shit for the way they acted back then, being called gay as a put-down. So when they finally embrace their sexuality openly, their flamboyant style becomes a badge of honour, a symbol of pride.

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